


So Near, And Yet So Far

by cordeliadelayne



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel Angst, M/M, castiel just wants a friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:12:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7552603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cordeliadelayne/pseuds/cordeliadelayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel confronts Gabriel. Set in season 5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Near, And Yet So Far

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Livejournal in 2009.

It was bright here. Brighter than it had any right to be. As bright as the world looked through his angelic eyes, rather than the human ones he was forced to see through now. TV bright.

Castiel had observed the human’s relationship with technology, with their ubiquitous television sets, for decades. And whilst he understood that it was the way they used to connect with each other, to bring about discussion, as did the morality plays of old, he did not understand why they would rather sit watching life play out before them on a small screen instead of engaging with those same issues in the world. If every person that cried out in anguish at a fake death did so for a real one, surely Lucifer’s schemes would have ended long ago?

But so many humans refused to pick sides. Refused to even acknowledge that a side needed picking, that Castiel would despair if he allowed himself to think about it too deeply.

He supposed that was why Gabriel had chosen to play Trickster. Why pick a side when he could play both of them off each other?

He was disgusted by Gabriel’s revelations. And hurt. Hurt more than anything. The places he had forced Castiel to, the fun he seemed to have taken in it, just because he knew that once Castiel was in his presence long enough he would have recognised him for the brother he had lost. He would never forget.

And so now he sat in a tv-bright diner as the other patrons and waitressing staff performed a song and dance around him. Their voices were strong and purposeful but their song was full of whimsical observations that were beginning to grate against his sensibilities.

He didn’t think he’d ever be able to understand humanity.

“I didn’t think you’d come.”

Castiel looked up to see Gabriel standing before him, the weary grin planted on his features not reaching his eyes.

“I wanted to question you,” Castiel replied. Gabriel shook his head fondly and sat down in front of him.

“Two coffees, when you have a moment,” he called out to the nearest waitress. Instantly the singing stopped and everyone returned to their work as if nothing had happened.

They stared at each other in silence, Castiel glaring and Gabriel smiling. The waitress brought over their drinks and did a little sashaying walk before grabbing the patron behind Castiel and doing a smouldering dance with him.

Castiel ignored them, though Gabriel looked on intently.

“Fascinating creatures, aren’t they?”

Castiel was tempted to agree but the anger that had been slowly seething below the surface was now too well boiled for him to control. “You certainly seemed to have enjoyed toying with them. Have you been teaching Lucifer everything he knows, or is it the other way around?”

Gabriel looked back sharply at Castiel. “I’m not picking sides, you know that.”

“I know that you’re a coward. That you left when we needed you.”

“You didn’t come and look for me though, did you?”

“I – I had my orders.” Castiel stumbled over the words and frowned; it seemed like a very long time since he had had any orders that needed following.

“Of course. Orders.”

“Did you know?” Castiel asked, voice softer now. “Did you know that Zachariah and the others were trying to bring about the Apocalypse. That they had no interest in stopping it?”

“Of course,” Gabriel replied with a nonchalant shrug. “Sam and Dean. Dean and Sam. It’s always been about them. About brother pitted against brother. You remember Cain and Abel.”

“That was different.” Castiel continued, ignoring Gabriel’s snort of derision. “And I do not believe for one moment that Dean will kill Sam.”

Gabriel shook his head and laughed. “But I notice you don’t say the same about Sam.”

Castiel flushed guiltily. It was true. He didn’t trust Sam as much as he did Dean. He _wanted_ to. Forgiveness was supposed to be an angel’s prerogative, but perhaps this was one more facet he was losing to humanity.

“Castiel,” Gabriel said, reaching over the table to place his hand atop the other angel’s, “there is no point fighting. The end is coming, one way or the other.”

Castiel angrily pulled his hand back. “I _died_. I was destroyed because I stood up to them. And then I was brought back.” Unconsciously he touched Dean’s amulet that he always wore underneath his shirt, lest it become lost. “There is a reason for that. Our Father wouldn’t want us to turn a blind eye to the follies of our brothers. We must stop them. Both of them.”

Gabriel bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair. “You don’t get, do you, Castiel? You were always so, _naïve._ ”

“I know that when I die, however I die, it will be a righteous death.”

“What? For the saving of Dean Winchester? There’s an epitaph worth engraving.” He laughed humourlessly and Castiel had to dig his hand into his own leg so he didn’t reach over and punch his brother in the face.

It was becoming more and more apparent that they would never see eye to eye on this. On anything.

“I wish to leave now.”

Gabriel looked almost sad. “Really? You don’t want to stay here? With me?”

“Gabriel, this isn’t real. This means nothing. None of it.”

“It is as real as I make it.”

“Then you will be nothing but disappointed by reality,” Castiel replied. He stood up and straightened out his trench coat. “I thought we had something. Once.” He looked down at the floor, so as not to meet Gabriel’s inquiring gaze. “I missed your presence in Heaven.”

Gabriel reached out and gently took hold of Castiel’s wrist. “And I yours.”

Castiel looked over at him and frowned. “Then…”

“But I can not do this anymore, my love. How many of our brothers have been killed by the one they shared eternal peace with in Heaven? Have you seen Lucifer, lately? Or Michael? Have you felt the rage that each feels for the other? The way the very earth trembles with their hate? Our Father is dead and you are fooling yourself if you think otherwise.”

Castiel pulled his arm away from Gabriel. “No, it is you who are the foolish one. The Winchesters are willing to die for their beliefs, and it is _contemptible_ that an angel of the Lord does not have the courage to do the same.”

The windows of the diner rattled as Castiel allowed his wings to slip from their human tethering. Gabriel just rolled his eyes and waved his arm towards the far wall.

“There’s the door. Don’t let it hit your ass on the way out.”

Castiel blanched at the cutting tone in Gabriel’s voice. If he left now he would not be coming back. And another ally in the war between Heaven and Hell would be lost to him.

“Gabriel, we could –"

“No, we couldn’t.”

And just like that Gabriel was gone and Castiel was left standing in the diner, patrons and waitresses dressed in shockingly colourful outfits twirling around him.

Surrounded, yet forever alone.


End file.
